The Crescent Theatre

The Crescent Theatre is holding auditions for the following production(s).

Non-members are welcome but please read the note at the bottom of this page.

Silly Cow

by Ben Elton

Performance dates: Saturday 19th to Saturday 26th July 2014 in the Ron Barber Studio


Sunday 27th April, 1pm in the bar
Tuesday 29th April, 7pm in the rehearsal room

Auditions will start with a brief familiarisation.
Rehearsals will be mostly on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Sundays, starting on Sunday May 11th.

The final show of the season and therefore your last chance to be part of this phenomenal season. Silly Cow is a hilarious satire on the viciousness of tabloid journalism.  Doris, a newspaper columnist and reviewer enjoys committing savage character assassinations and thrives off the attention that she receives from it.  Now however, an actress that she reviewed - well insulted – is suing, but Doris is on top of a proverbial high and nothing is going to bring her down… or so she thinks.
The play has great roles for a very broad range of members.  Each character though has a lot more that meets the eye with a lovely big twist….


DORIS – the newspaper columnist.  She has a way with words, is savage with her thoughts and doesn't give a monkeys what anyone thinks of her.  Doris is a classic bitch – the kind of role where you can say all those things you'd love to say, but are afraid to! (Mid 30s – Late 40s)

PEGGY – Doris' faithful assistant.  Always able to get Doris out of sticky situations and tries to get through to Doris' usually silent kind side. (Aged mid20s+ but younger than Doris)

SIDNEY – Trying to get Doris to sign up to his new European newspaper.  Has spent several years in America but is now setting his eyes on Europe and wants Doris to help him.  Has a similar view to the world to Doris, but some would argue that he has an element of morals.  (Similar age to Doris)

EDUARDO – Doris' toy boy.  A London lad who's lucked out by dating a successful journalist.  Both sides aware that there's no love in this relationship but Eduardo's in it for the money, Doris for the kudos a younger man brings her.  (20)

DOUGLAS – Doris' accountant.  Old school accountant trying to keep Doris in check, a gentleman. (50s +)


Peggy & Doris 1: [from Peggy: It's alright for you… p16 to Doris: I'm not being remotely cynical…. p17
Peggy & Doris 2: [from Peggy: Yes, let's drink to the future…. P23 to Doris: Get Sid on the phone…. P24]
Douglas & Doris: [from Doris: Hello Douglas p30 to Doris: Grab him Peggy p31]
Sidney & Doris: [from Sidney: I must say this business… p1 to Sidney: Call me old fashioned… p2)
Eduardo, Doris, Sidney & Peggy: [Eduardo: He's here!... p11 to bottom of p12]

Any questions or if you're interested but can't make one of the audition dates please email me:

Jonny Wright


Want to be involved but don't want to act?  There's always plenty to do backstage - see our membership page for details.

Please Note

While auditions are intended for members, non-members are welcome to attend on the understanding that, if successful in reading for a part, you would be expected to become a member of the theatre.  This entitles you to take part in all theatre activities and to concessionary ticket prices.  In return you will be expected to attend all rehearsals and performances and to undertake your required allocation of front of house duties.  Your membership subscription must be paid by the end of the second rehearsal.  Membership fees for a year are £60 (£30 if unwaged).  More details on Crescent Membership can be found in the membership pages.

The Familiarisation Reading is not an audition but an opportunity to find out more about the play, the characters and the director's ideas for the production.  If you are unfamiliar with the play, try to come to this to see if you would be interested in reading for a part at the audition.

Unless stated otherwise, the venue for all readings and auditions is The Crescent Theatre.

Directors: If you wish to submit items for inclusion on this page please e-mail them to  Please make sure that you have arranged all room bookings before submission and indicate that you are happy to have e-mail addresses and/or telephone numbers included on the web page.

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